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You might have gotten misinformation. You might have gotten half the story.

The Philosophy of Second Chances

You might not have a clue what you are talking about, so do not guilt trip me into forgiving them. Do not batter me with cliche lines about how forgiveness is the best thing I can do for myself. When you ask me to forgive someone toxic, someone abusive, someone who has crossed unacceptable lines, it feels like you are making excuses for them. It feels like you are trying to punish me for sticking up for myself.

James Forman Jr. | Mercy Forgiveness and Second Chances

It feels like you are telling me all of the hurtful things they did to me were okay. You are never going to convince me to forgive them. If anything, you are going to convince me to walk away from you too. When I made the decision to leave them behind, I second guessed myself for weeks. I put off leaving for much longer than I should have because I was worried about whether I was making the right choice. But it was the right choice.

Forgiveness / Second chances

That is why I followed through on it. I am not taking back my decision. I am not opening my doors and letting someone toxic crawl back inside.

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You can call me childish. You can call me a bitch.


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My reputation is less important to me than my mental health. If someone is okay with hurting me, then they better be okay living with living without me. You just have to show up and try. The hardest part for me was that I was at home begging for any kind sexual attention and he was getting it from anybody but me. I spent three months trying to figure out what was right.

All I could think was that I was being punished. I had pre-marital sex and then wound up pregnant with a cheating fiance. I always said that I would never stay with a man if he were to be unfaithful. Well here I am. I prayed so much over what to do. Or do I attempt to build a life with a man with an addiction that I may never trust again? We have had many talks about every detail of what he did and how it happened. It started off with doing drugs and lying to me because he wanted to be good enough for me and thought that he could quit without my ever knowing. Even though I have told him numerous times that the only thing I ever wanted from him was the truth.

I can forgive mistakes but without truth there can be no trust.


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He was so consumed with guilt over the lies he had told me about the drugs that it became hard for him to be with me sexually. This went on for a month when one night he was so ashamed of himself and so overwhelmed with guilt that he got drunk and found himself in the city. Then he found the girl. He thinks he was just trying to make it so bad that I would catch him and leave him. So here I am after months of thinking.

I have been humiliated. My family has been torn apart. And I still love this person who did all of these awful things to me. So I decided to give him another chance.

But there are certain conditions. He no longer drinks or does drugs. He goes to work then comes right home.

In age of #MeToo, can there be forgiveness, second chances?

He is seeing a therapist to help him with his problems. If he ever tells even one lie again he knows he must leave for good. I believe in forgiveness and in second chances. I pray that I will never need the kind the forgiveness that I had to give but I only hope that if I ever make mistakes people will help me through them and not abandon me.